grant writing

I am supposed to be working on these grants that are due in two days. However, I suddenly find processing my soil organic material and looking my thin sections so much more interesting. Really looking at dirt under a microscope is more interesting than writing this grant!? What has happened to me? I used to love writing grants, now I am finding myself stressed and dreading it. Uggg. I need a good kick in the ass. Since I finally got edits back on this grant from two of my colleges. I think wine and writing are in order for this evening. Maybe that will help me along.
I keep flip flopping between wanting to get all these grants, go back to Kenya, do great work and feel awesome about the state of my life, and then feeling like maybe if I don't get these grants it's a sign and I can walk away from school. I wish this decision was an easier one. On good days, I know I made the right decision and think I am so lucky to be in grad school. On bad days, I feel like absolute crap. I think multiple kicks in the ass are in order. No one should go through grad school so unappreciative of the experience. Then again maybe that is grad school...just thoughts.

UPDATE: Night got much better due to wine, a good bet and a great best friend. Steph cleaned the apartment turned on the Christmas lights that are still up and this is what our apartment looks like...

Magical! I am actually beginning to fly through these edits and am hopefully going to send out a new draft by tomorrow for final edits.