San Fran

I went to San Francisco this past weekend.  It was AMAZING.  I saw a couple of really good friends and began to feel out the city.  I am graduating (hopefully) in a matter of months and I have decided to choose the next place I live, and not move for a job.  I am the type of person who really focuses on the here and now and rarely contemplates what I am missing out on to be in the here and now.  However, recently had this existentialist moment where it dawned on me what I HAD given up all these years for school.  Don't get me wrong, I am glad I am getting my phD but I am not sure I want to continue sacrificing a balanced life for it.  I want to have my weekends be my own, to read books that are not part of research and not feel guilty, and (most importantly) I want to like where I live.  So typical me, I am fighting for this life.  I have started going to the gym, working Monday through Friday, spending time with my dog, reading the books I want to read, and I decided to move to San Fran.

So this weekend I went out to see those friends, but truthfully I also was trying out the city.  Like a first date, I was trying to see if I fit.  I've been to the city before, a bunch of times (my Uncle, his ex-wife and my cousins all grew up out there).  I've been to the touristy places, China Town, Alcatraz, seen the cable cars.  But I've never really just lived out there.  So this time, I walked around, tried the food and examined the architecture. I tried to get a feel for what living in Bay Area would be like (could I live there with my dog?  is there good rock climbing?  music?)  The answer to all of those questions was a resounding YES!  I have to say, I am so excited and nervous about moving and so ready to be out there.  It was 60 all weekend and beautiful.  I walked around this amazing lake/park in Oakland and graded labs.  I people-watched and just smiled.  Friday I went to see a concert and it was one of the best shows I have ever seen.  I realized that for the first time in years (probably since DC) I could see a concert every weekend if I wanted, there are that many good shows who come through the Bay Area.  I saw friends and was reminded of who I really am, not hating my dissertation, hating living in Texas, feeling stifled by both heat and culture Lauren.  I was just me.  My friend Sarah had this house warming party and I met all her fabulous, hilarious friends.  It was one of the best nights of conversation I've had in a really really long time.  Her friends were racing half marathons, and future dentists, and just fascinating.  I saw Matt and Jules and as always they forgive me for my shortcomings and remind me how great my friends are.  I will always love them!  We can literally walk around and do nothing and silliness ensues.  Going out there made so many questions and concerns I had just go away.  I can make friends and be happy and this can be my home!

So now on to the next part, I am back in Texas (back in the 100+ heat everyday) and I need to just keep looking forward and march myself to graduation.  I need to write these papers and graduate so I can finally do the most selfish thing, move and be happy.